


Modern Jedi Padawan

by chains_archivist



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Genre: Boys in Chains, Filk, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 17:13:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3455282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chains_archivist/pseuds/chains_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>by Liz<br/>Read the title</p>
            </blockquote>





	Modern Jedi Padawan

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Dusk, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Boys in Chains](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Boys_in_Chains), which opened in 2000 as a multifandom archive for both fiction and art, but then sadly went offline in 2005. To bring the archive back, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2014. Open Doors [posted an announcement](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/1832) and e-mailed all creators about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please [contact the Open Doors committee](http://transformativeworks.org/contact/open%20doors).  
> \--  
> With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan.

OBI: I am the very model of a modern Jedi Padawan

I've information sexual about my Master Qui-Gon Jinn

I know the Council members, and I quote their kinks historical

From Malastair to Coruscant, in order categorical;

 

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters masochistical,

I understand the whips and chains, both simple and fantastical,

'Bout being on the bottom I am teeming with a lot o' news,

With many cheerful facts about the square of Qui's hypotenuse.

 

COUNCIL: With many cheerful facts, etc.

 

OBI: I'm very good at blow jobs and I always know to swallow;

I know deep-throating makes Qui come and scream into his pillow

In short, in matters sexual about my Master Qui-Gon Jinn,

I am the very model of a modern Jedi Padawan.

 

COUNCIL: In short, in matters sexual 'bout Obi's Master Qui-Gon Jinn,

He is the very model of a modern Jedi Padawan.

 

OBI: I know our mythic history, the Code, and Yoda's preachings

I'm shouting "Harder Master!", I've a pretty taste for beatings,

I quote in elegiacs all the attributes of Qui-Gon Jinn,

His flowing hair, his sparkling eyes, the sheer enormous length of him;

 

I can tell undoubted glorious tales about the times he's whipped my ass,

I can hear the croaking chorus of Yoda shouting "Make it last!"

Then I can hum a tune or two 'bout Windu's predilections,

'Fore Master Qui-Gon ties him up and makes several corrections.

 

COUNCIL: 'Fore Master Qui-Gon ties him up, etc.

 

OBI: Then I can write a lengthy verse in Standard which is quite the norm

And tell you ev'ry detail of my master Qui-Gon's lovely form

In short, in matters sexual about my Master Qui-Gon Jinn,

I am the very model of a modern Jedi Padawan.

 

COUNCIL: In short, in matters sexual 'bout Obi's Master Qui-Gon Jinn,

He is the very model of a modern Jedi Padawan.

 

OBI: I know exactly what is meant by fisting and by water sports

And I can tell by Force which dildo Qui will use (we have all sorts),

The Council lines up every night for a little demonstration

And there's always someone shocked at the sheer depths of my prostration

 

You see I've learnt at Qui-Gon's hands 'bout bondage and submission

And I know more of fucking than all those in prostituition -

In short, when shown a smattering of all the boys around the block,

You'll say a better Jedi Padawan has never sat a cock.

 

COUNCIL: You'll say a better Jedi Padawan, etc.

 

OBI: For my carnal knowledge, I am plucky and adventury,

My master likes to watch me with the friends to whom he's lent me

But still, in matters sexual about my master Qui-Gon Jinn,

I am the very model of a modern Jedi Padawan.

 

COUNCIL: But still, in matters sexual 'bout Obi's master Qui-Gon Jinn

He is the very model of a modern Jedi Padawan.


End file.
